It’s been a rough week. I know you understand. I wish I could’ve taken all your pain away. The angst, the deep black nothingness that is all consuming. I was very sad to hear of your departure. But I know all too well of your struggles. The toll it takes on your psyche. A despair so deep and hollow that you want everyone and everything to go away.
I was in the belly of the beast this weekend. I believe this is partially why your departure hit me so hard. I’ve wrestled with it all week. Knowing that it could just as easily be me. I could be one of the thousands a day desperately seeking an end to the brain noise. The cacophony of belittling judgements we hurl at ourselves. The complete and utter loss of hope.
I started writing to ease the pain. To help others. To be an agent of change in this world of misunderstanding. And yet I withdraw. I curl up into a ball and think it’s too hard. But we need global action.
You have sparked a dialogue that I truly hope gains momentum. And I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to be a part of that. We need to reframe mental illness into mental wellness. Fight against the stigma.
Raise our collective voices in the name of advocacy, compassion, empathy and understanding. Which I realize is incredibly difficult. It’s hard to ask for help. It’s hard to shine a light on that darkness. To expose that raw self to ridicule and taunts. Persecution and vacant stares.
I try to be open about my struggles. Yet, even I can’t seem to break the chains. We’re afraid of being judged. Afraid of letting down those that we love. Afraid of being perceived as weak or broken. But I will continue to chip away at the beast. And to take opportunities to challenge the status quo.
Mr.Williams, I am truly heartbroken by your departure. But it is truly a feat that I can wholeheartedly commiserate with. You will be sorely missed and I hope that wherever you are, you have found peace and freedom from the noise that had plagued you. I wish your loved ones and friends my deepest condolences. And I urge others in the midst of the struggle to maintain strength and tenacity. I’ve been there, I know it is hard. You are not alone.