I’ve been away for a long while. I’ve been up and down. Mostly in the middle. Which has had me wrestling with how to maintain a dialogue regarding mental wellness when I’m actually doing well. The sadness pours out of me rather easily. The despair, the heartache. All easy things to compose from those crafty alphabetic characters our brains assemble into words.
But when I’m okay - or worse, doing really well, I feel self-conscious about writing. I feel like I have nothing worth saying or sharing. I’m so much better at commiserating than - well, whatever the opposite of commiserating is.
But here we’ll give it a spin.
Life is hard. It takes work. There are times - perhaps months, perhaps years - where things look like they will never get better. But it can’t rain all the time. Sometimes it’s a matter of making tough personal decisions. It can mean seeking help. Changing your circumstances. Abandoning toxic habits. And this all involves change.
And change sucks ass.
But not always. And with enough practice, you really can learn how to shift your perspective. Maybe you can’t always see the glass as half full. But if you can occasionally just be grateful that it isn’t empty yet - that will help.
Forgiveness and being grateful are two facets of healing that I have a horrible time addressing. The bitterness and sour venom of carrying grudges for nearly forty years is a burden that I’ve been working to relieve myself of for a while now.
Gratefulness can be just as hard for me, because I’m a particular kind of person. My control-freak persona wants everything just so - all the time - loosening that grip allows me to pay more attention to the little things. Be grateful for the little things. Though I will be the first to confess that I have a horribly hard time doing this.
I am living, breathing proof that there is always the possibility to fight those demons. But it is not easy. There are still bad days. Bad weeks. Bad months. But if you can find those moments where there is still a little something in your glass - those are worth hanging onto. Those are worth being grateful for. Whether it’s a smile, or a laugh, the way the grass feels on your bare feet, the coolness of a pillow waiting for you to start dreaming, there is always something to be grateful for. Even if it seems small.